


Baz's Journal

by Who_Cares



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_Cares/pseuds/Who_Cares
Summary: Baz has a journal, most of the stuff in it ends up being about Simon.





	1. Prologue

Baz:

I was bored in class so I wrote out Simon’s name down the edge of my notes and started filling it in like an acrostic poem. I filled in the words quickly just writing down the first word that popped into my head ending up with:

‘S is for stupid, I is for idiotic, M is for moronic, O is for obnoxious, N is for noisy, S is for sickening, N is for nosy, and O is for oafish.’

I stare at the W. What to write for that one? I can’t think of anything good. Without thinking I write, ‘W is for the fact that while all of the above are completely true, I am still hopelessly in love with him.’ I quickly scribble that out and write ‘W is for waste of my time. Focus on something else Baz!’ instead, then I look back up at our professor. This wasn’t the first time I had written something like this. My mind often drifts to Simon when I get bored. My notes are full of things about him. I have around a dozen acrostic poems with the words changed out every time spread throughout my various class notebooks. Some of them are with longer sentences rather than single words and, most are about how annoying I think he is, but there was one that isn’t that I wrote on a page of my Latin notebook one night when I was couldn't focus on my homework.

So many times I’ve looked at you  
I wonder if you could ever see me as anything but your enemy  
My heart beats faster when I see you, like you’re the one keeping me alive  
Only I know you will never feel the same  
No, we will only ever be enemies  
So I write these instead  
Never letting you see that I’m in love with you  
Over time I will get over you, but for now I’m unable to focus  
Whenever I see you, nothing else seems to matter

I’ve tried to cross that one out on many occasions, even ripped the page out, but I couldn’t get rid of it. Instead I taped it into a back page of my journal. The one I keep under my bed with several concealment charms on it. I get it out only when I am completely sure Simon is asleep. It’s embarrassing and I can’t imagine Simon ever finding it. It is full of poems about him and sketches I had done of him while he was sleeping. It had other things in it too; poems about my mother or other family members, a few about myself (I never like these they are usually depressing), short stories, sketches of other people I know, some of people who aren’t real at all or things that aren’t people, a few songs for the violin (which aren’t very good), and other little things I had just decided to write down. All in all I would almost definitely die of embarrassment if Simon (or anyone else for that matter) found it.


	2. Chapter 2

Simon:

I wake up at around 11:30 one night and see Baz has his book out as usual. It’s a black leather bound book that looks to be around two hundred pages long or maybe a little less. He gets it out every night when he thinks I’m asleep, but whenever I wake up in the middle of the night he doesn't notice (I’m always careful to close my eyes if he looks up). He is usually too focused on whatever he is doing to look up at all. Most of the time he looks like he is either writing something or drawing (I can tell from the way his pencil moves). Tonight however, is one of the nights where he has out his violin as well. Although I usually act like his violin annoys me, I actually really like it when he plays. He's gotten pretty good at it since we first met 6 years ago. I especially like when he plays it at night. That's the only time when he plays what he’s writing himself. He uses a spell to make the violin so quiet I can barely hear it, but not quite quiet enough that I can’t hear it at all. I watch as he erases something, writes something new down, picks up his violin, plays for about ten seconds, and then sighs, setting it back down, erasing, and writing again. He spends a long time on each new part until he gets it to sound exactly the way he wants it to and usually only ends up adding few new notes a night. For the most part, whatever he plays sounds good, but it sounds absolutely amazing when he finally gets it to sound the way he wants it to. Tonight he spent a couple of hours on it, going back and changing a few of the older notes and adding some new ones.

When he’s finished for the night he starts from the beginning of what he wrote and plays all the way through, just like every other night he gets it out. I don’t know how he does it, but somehow he puts magic into the notes. I can feel it throughout the entire room as he plays. There are a lot of emotions in it and I can feel every one of them. Somehow the song has a story without having any words. It starts out calm and slowly becomes more sad and angry. The recent part is more sad but it’s beginning to become less angry. It also has another emotion in it, one I can’t figure out. I’m not entirely sure how to explain it, but it’s there throughout the entirety of the song. That feeling seems to become more covered by the anger as the song goes on. It’s as if the anger is trying to smother it, but the other feeling continues fighting it. Then it seems to defeat the anger which is then taken over by a disappointed kind of sadness. I’m careful not to make any noise because anytime I ever do so much as roll over, he stops. He’ll usually continue after a minute or two, but the magic is always gone from it. The song is almost two minutes long at this point. He’s been working on it since the end of last year. He has written a couple of other ones throughout the past couple years, but none of them even come close to comparing to this one. The song ends and there is a magical haze that lingers in the room. I hear Baz write something else down, put his book away under his bed, cast his usual assortment of concealing spells, turn off his lamp and then get into bed. For a little while he lays there softly humming to himself. Soon after that I fall back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> So... I don't really know what I just wrote. Should I continue this? I have a few ideas, but I don't know. (I will probably write it anyway, but I may or may not post it.) Let me know what you think in the comments. I hope you liked it I guess.(or at least that it wasn't too awful) Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.


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